Monday 5 June 2023

A new divide

If I use a filter on my broken heart:

Would you double click it on Instagram?

Who replaced affections with emojis?

Just let it go and hold on tight, she said.

In a world with split personalities

If I slide into her DM and conquer

I have only won half the battle,

A tigress on her timeline, a frightened Kitten.


…The meeting.


True kinging is in the conquering of both

A filtered e-persona, an awkward introvert

She retweets my moonshine, she wants me

These jokes write themselves, surely.

In my every line, a sub is embedded,

We flirt in Morse codes, you would never know

A conversation, absent mentions or retweets,

She whispers in my silent screams.


…The falling in love.


You wanted roses; I rose to the challenge,

The thorny bushes saw right through me.

You picked me pickles for my prickly feet,

I give you dimples and made you giggle.

I stole the sun on a sunny day,

You made it rain as you walked away.

The saline waves washed through the maze,

The salmon danced salsa between your hair.

I gave you glitters, you traded blisters

You gave me hurdles, I offered cuddles.

Love turned cold, infatuation grew old.

In abandoned subs and corrected typos.


…She hits unfollow.


By

Aventurine.

Sunday 1 May 2016

A Murder Of Crows

He stands still, waiting and watching
Cold hard intent blurring his vision
His mind is crystal and iridescent
His one true purpose defies reason

He walks the dark and lonely alley
Left out in the cold yet again
He shudders as teardrops turn to ice
Time has taught him nothing

He listens and hears the echo of footfalls
He braces himself, any moment now
Hard metal pressed against the small of his back
He holds his breath and waits for his prey

He walks the dark and lonely alley
Loving and Losing, a swing and a miss
Loki stands amused holding cupid’s bow
He feels drained, the steps are heavy

He steps out of the shadow, gun in hand
Blocking the path of his victim
His eyes are blood shot, adrenaline and the rush
He drinks the fear that pours from the other’s eyes

He looks into their eyes, barrel and predator
Finding sympathy in none, he breaks a sweat
He searches for the words, there are none
His life flashes before him, the end beckons

His pulls down his hood and stares at the other
The resemblance is uncanny, one and the same
He stares at himself, despicable and weak
He closes his eyes, inhales and pulls the trigger

He watches as he is about to take his own life
The cold breath pours from him, his last
He licks his parched lips, shuts his eyes and mind
He does not see the sound or hear the light

He opens his eyes and watches in awe
His victim bursts into a thousand pieces
Each piece with wings that stretch and flutter free
He watches in awe, a Murder of Crows.


- By Aventurine.

Wednesday 13 January 2016

And I Must Away



Surely this way out is the most reasonable?

Who's not to say solace won't be found after this? At least I'm certain I'll be out of harm's way, away from pressure, sadness, guilt and oh the grief that has kept me awake crying buckets.

She fleetingly recalled a saying; hope deferred makes the heart sick and as she steadied her balance, she shrugged off the incessant inner voice.

'You're selfish' it went on, she shut her eyes tightly as though to erase what was deeply etched in her mind- engraved and unmoving.

But I want to be free, she found herself saying out loud. She fell into deeper thought, as her left hand lovingly caressed her tummy. She couldn't help but feel a deeper sense of loss, loss of a great life her child could have possibly had.

'You're selfish' said that voice again. She shut her eyes and shook her head mentally as if to erase any second thought.
Come on now, you've thought this over for weeks unending, you know it's the only way-out another voice echoed.

Shut up you two! She let out what sounded like a screech. She crouched on the stool, covering her ears crying hysterically.

Few minutes later as her wailing reduced to quiet sobs, she rocked back and forth on her heels, arms wrapped around her knees, trying to  draw strength from within.

She thought about events that led to her current state of delirium. As her breathing slowed to a normal tempo, she reached for her makeup purse, to powder her Nose.

I'll go out slaying and not look as I feel inside, that's unfit for a Queen- she thought to herself, laughing dryly.

She tucked some hair strands in place, smoothed the creases on her dress and checked the Noose was a-okay.
There she muttered under her breath, it's time.

It was just around sunset so she waited and as she caught the last glimpse of ray, she smiled wryly, closed her eyes...

Peace at last. 



Song Posts: ♫ Lazarus-  David Bowie et 
♫ Exit Wounds-  The Script 

- By SporadicWriter

Wednesday 11 February 2015

Hitherto

"Why don't You just tell me about it" He asked.
"Please not now" she muttered, as she tried to choke in the tears "I uhm, I'm in a bad place mentally right now"


He watched as she turned and walked away, feeling helpless. He wished he could access what was going on in that Head of Hers- this stubborn Mule of his!
It took every willpower not to run into his arms- only place she'd felt safe in recent times. I can't always do that she uttered under her breath, one day he might not be there anymore (she shook her head as though to erase the possibility)*sniffs*. She pulled out her handkerchief to wipe off the errant teardrops.


Why why why do I endure all these? She thought to herself
"You always pour your soul into the lives of others and you end up like this! when will You understand humans are selfish"- an inner voice said.
"People will always throw your flaws and mistakes in your face"
No! she didn't realize she'd said that out loud, until a street urchin gave her quite an unusual stare. She started to laugh at how silly she must appear at this moment- shoulders dropped, eyes red, mascara smudged, a Shoe in hand and sniffing from all the sobbing.
*sighs* you know what you must do- that voice again. This time she agreed as she'd been thinking the same thing.


Home, I'll go home. There's nothing here for me anymore- she thought. Home is where I always fit in- where I can always be myself, even when I'm sometimes clumsy- It's okay.
Yes, yes she thought and almost tap danced as she thought about it. She picked up her Phone and sent her a message: hiatus.


"huh?" the recipient replied.
"I'm done, thanks for your hospitality- I'm going back to Mum's" She almost spat the words.
... Then came the barrage of phone calls/I.Ms/texts. 
Alas, it was too late
Song Post: ♫ Sunburn-  Ed Sheeran 

- By SporadicWriter



Thursday 27 November 2014

Whilst Time Was Yet

I held her, held her firmly to my chest.
For a second i am distracted by her labored breathing.

Am I to blame for it all, or time?
Oh, but for the fondness of the memories, times, hours spent talking; idle things
The first day she looked away to hide the tears, tears that always gave her away...

I vowed to protect her, love her, help her, saddle her fears, worries
I failed.

She giggled! My attention is drawn to the present. No, that must be my thoughts (again). Ah, that beautiful giggle.
That giggle i loved to hear and i knew just how to wriggle it out of her; each time for the first 3 years in our marriage, i opened the door for her- Car, Home, Restaurants anywhere!
She would giggle as i'd playfully tickle her, oh i hadn't realized how i miss that melody.

Now i'm holding this woman i barely know, cuddling her as she curls up in my arms tighter.
My phone rings... It's HER
I close my eyes as if to miraculously wish all the problems and complications away.
COWARD! something screamed in my head...

She tugged at my shirt, drew a heart on my chest. I looked down, took her face in my hands.
She smiled, wriggled her Nose as she opened her eyes, looked at me for the longest 5 seconds of my life.
"i hope she knows you're lactose intolerant" she said.  I smiled and nodded before I could help myself.

The Air became still...



Song Post: ♫ I'm not the only One - Sam Smith

- By SporadicWriter

Ethereal

She ran across the fields, skirt in hand occasionally glancing back and giggling.
I followed her eyes and there he was; beautiful, magnificent... Adonis

I adjusted my spine as I sat against the back of the Tree.
I wondered at the happiness I could feel emanating.

She stretched her arms as he advanced. He walked slowly, eyes fixed as though for the first time.
Coming together, they shared a passionate kiss that made my cheeks heat up from blushing, i had to look away.

I smiled as I looked upon the pair once more.
They lay down side-by-side and talked, they tickled and laughed & for the first time in a long time i missed that.

*timer beeps*

"Earth to You" it read.
Jeepers!! I started to gather my things; easel, brushes, backpack as I made to cycle back.
Wait, not before I spare the couple one last glance, just one more.

Home beckons...

Song Post: ♫ It's not right for You - The Script

- By SporadicWriter

Monday 23 September 2013

Oblivion

It's long, it's really narrow and it never ends. I want to stop but I just keep going.

The silence is deafening, the stairs are steep and the spikes lined on both sides of the walls constantly jab me into the realization that i am alive.

Wait, i thought...

No! It can't be, but what about the sweet release i felt, after i'd shut my eyes and felt life leave me?
Even on this other end, i'm still troubled. Maybe if i kept walking... Perhaps

Where am i going though? i can't see as it's pitch black. I can only grope my way through but even that is tortuous, so i lay down. There are creatures circling my feet, sewer Rats?
I feel empty.
I feel lost, in so many different ways...

As i slip into unconsciousness, i start to yearn for the things i'd missed; the voices of my loved ones, a warm hand on my wrist & a rib-cracking-straight-from-the-heart bear hug of a friend :)

Then i smile at the last thing i saw as my eyelids lower, before my dark descent... the beautiful grey sky.



Author's note: I wrote this to redirect my thoughts from my (almost) depressed state. I'm not sure if it'll make any sense to anyone, but heck! i posted it anyway.

Please don't forget to share/post your comments, views, thoughts or contributions, thank You! 

Bye now


- By SporadicWriter